Ashford Academy and Aliens
by Aetta
Summary: Lelouch, Suzaku and Nunnally transfer to Ashford Academy for a mysterious reason. However, nothing is as it seems and here they face a lot of oddities which threaten their sanity through sheer absurdity and ridiculousness, raging from a mushroom house to baby-eating aliens. Follow them through their strange and nonsensical adventures at Ashford! AU, PARODY.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello everyone. :D So, this is the author coming with a few notes. A few things you should know before reading this: in this fanfiction, Marianne and Genbu Kururugi never died, Nunnally never got blinded and crippled, Suzaku became Lelouch's Knight (not Euphemia's), they were still childhood friends somehow, the Black Knights are not a rebel group (more on what they are later), and so on; you will see lots of changes, it seems to me that this story is quite AU. (What all the changes are, though, you shall see when reading, for I am too lazy to list them.)**

**Also, it's pretty much crack (bordering on badfic/trollfic, not sure which one) and the characters are OOC. It might contain spoilers and I seriously write whatever comes to my mind at the moment in this story. Please forgive me if this fanfic causes you any brain damage or something. Yeah. Feel free to flame, praise, or whatever.^^**

**The last thing I might add is that I will use British spelling, grammar, and punctuation.**

**I hope you will like it. Thank you for reading. :3 Now, on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.**

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><p>Prince Lelouch vi Britannia, his Knight Suzaku Kururugi and his sister Princess Nunnally vi Britannia were being driven to the gates of Ashford Academy, a boarding school they agreed to transfer to for reasons that will be expanded on later because now they do not matter. It was early September and the trio was supposed to start attending the academy this year.<p>

All of them had previously been to either private schools or had been home-schooled, therefore going to a public school was a new challenge. However, they were going to survive this and learn more about normal people as they had planned.

The sound of the car stopping announced that they had arrived at their future school. A butler with black hair and red eyes got out from the front of the limo and let the red wool carpet with gold contour roll from the back door to the school entrance, then opened the door for the teenagers.

Firstly, Suzaku got out, followed by his best friend. After Lelouch was no longer in their means of transport, he offered his hand to Nunnally and helped her out.

Everyone around stopped and gasped wide-eyes at the magnificent three as they unhurriedly walked on the red carpet. Whispers could be heard among the crowd, gossiping and speculating why two members of the royal family and the Knight of Seven were there. Some girls (and boys) were even squealing and fangirling or fanboying over them.

Of course the stars in question were not bothered. They were very used to people staring at them already, after all each had their own achievements and they were all quite involved in the world of politics in a way or another, so a certain amount of fame was bound to be gained.

And so they passed through the gates while the guards were too mesmerised and smitten to ask if they were even students at Ashford and went to meet the principal to confirm their arrival and find out where they were to live in their period at the academy.

Upon getting to the reception, they registered as visitors and were told to wait while the chairman was told that they came and prepared to receive them. Thanking the reception lady who was quite kind and helpful, they walked to the chairs nearby, took their seats and waited.

After a few minutes, the lady returned, a blonde girl with a generous bust right behind her. She only seemed to be around a year older than the boys, perhaps, but something was odd. Was it her?

'We apologise for the wait,' she approached the three teenagers and said. 'This is Milly Ashford, the chairman's daughter. He is ready to welcome you and she shall show you the way to his office.'

'Lelouch vi Britannia,' Lelouch shook Milly's hand and introduced himself. Suzaku and Nunnally then did the same. Having greeted the blonde, he turned back to the woman. 'Thank you,' Lelouch said calmly with a smile, courtesy of the Britannian etiquette. 'We appreciate your help. Now, we will get going. Have a nice day.'

The woman responded with the same wishes and our main characters hesitantly followed Milly, sensing that there was something strange about her, though none of them was able to put their finger on what exactly it was... (And oh, had they known what was off about Milly back then and how she was to torture them later on, they would have ran away before one could blink. Well, obviously not Lelouch unless Suzaku carried him like a bride since he was the absolute worst when it came to running, but the remaining two surely would have, being quicker than him. Actually, everyone and everything was quicker than him, including but not limited to a newborn baby, a completely paralysed old man, a dead turtle carapace, a flying pancake, a table with no legs, frozen Nutella, mutant Christmas trees, statues, traffic lights, and so forth.)

It did not take long for them to reach their destination, where Milly left them and then declared that if they ever needed anything, they should come to the student council room and ask her. They were also met with the proposal of becoming part of the student council themselves, even though they did not give a clear answer. Afterwards, she leapt and went around the corner, then a white light was seen. When they looked to see what was that, they found Milly not to be there anymore and simply moved on as if nothing happened, going into the office from which 'We Will Rock You' by Queen was heard.

Inside of the office was a strong smell of opium (or marijuana, no one could tell), the walls were painted pink and decorated with My Little Pony wallpapers, and among other things, there were also a bicycle in the middle of the room, a fire extinguisher near it, two TVs (a modern one and another made of wood which looked like it was one of the first TVs in existence), an empty KFC bag on the floor, a few rotting dead flowers, a real-size plush (or stuffed, or alive?) cow on a sofa, and a traffic cone close to it.

'Welcome to Ashford Academy,' said an old man with sunglasses covering his eyes, a backwards designer brand cap on his head, a pink shirt saying 'YOLO', a long ten centimetres thick golden cross hanging at his neck, and totally swag pants which some (including the author) would call 'shit pants'. He appeared to be nice enough, though, so nobody (besides the author) commented. 'I am the Chairman. I am very glad that the three of you were able to make it in time. Do you like the school so far?'

'Yes,' the trio answered in unison.

'We are very glad to be here too,' Lelouch started.

'And the academy looks really nice and seems to has very good staff and students,' Suzaku noted. Most likely he had no idea what he was talking about, he was merely being nice and polite.

'True,' Nunnally agreed. 'However, what about the accommodation? We would like to know in what dorm we will live, but we have not seen any dorms so far.'

'Ah, do not worry, young lady, it has been settled,' the chairman gently said. 'You will all have your own place to yourselves, near the clubhouse, as your parents and I have arranged, so you will not be separated.'

And by 'arranged', he probably meant that he had been bribed into building a house or dorm for them by the emperor of Britannia and Prime Minister of Japan, just because they can (since they have money and power), not as if anyone had a problem with that even if bribing is illegal and they were supposed to be political leaders.

'Cheers, sir, that would be brilliant,' the prince thanked Milly's grandfather with a honest smile this time. None of them wanted to be split up, especially after practically spending their entire lives together. 'As for the curriculum, school hours, extracurricular activities, and so on?'

'I will tell you about these on our way to your future residence,' the man said as he got up from his chair and picked up a watering can, which he filled with a liquid of a dark, murky yellow colour. 'Shall we go?' he asked, and then off they went.

While they advanced toward wherever their rooms were, Mr Ashford updated them on the current school affairs and told them everything they wished to know (and even some things they did not wish to, such as the information about an aggressive raccoon living under the great tree in the garden).

Luckily, the clubhouse was not at a great distance from the chairman's office, though they were in opposite wings of the school. They passed by the clubhouse and stopped under a huge tree, hopefully not the one with the raccoon (though that was what it most likely was), where no building could be seen. Only a sole white-spotted red mushroom which was probably poisonous was there. The trio exchanged confused glances and had no idea what was going on.

'Sir, where is the dorm?' Lelouch inquired, more courageous in speaking than the others.

'It will appear immediately,' the old man replied. 'Just wait a second, that is why I brought the watering can with magic water.'

The chairman leaned over the mushroom and began to pour drops of the urine-coloured 'magic water' that smelt like arsenic, which, to their knowledge, was a poison, over the red and white mushroom.

Suddenly, the mushroom started to grow and change shape, until it became a huge villa with three floors and a pool in the back! How it did so, nobody knew, maybe some Hogwarts magic or something. Either way they now had where to live, so Lelouch, Suzaku and Nunnally could not care less.

'Thank you,' Lelouch said in the name of the entire group.

'No problem and again, welcome to Ashford Academy!' came the cheerful reply. 'I hope you will all enjoy your time here.'

'We hope the same,' Suzaku spoke, still puzzled as to how a mushroom could grow into a villa, not as if anyone could blame him for that. He might not have been the brightest fellow around, but nobody knew anyway, so not figuring it out could not have been a result of his IQ.

'Now, I shall take my leave and let you all get used to your new home,' he said and then departed, leaving the three confused and puzzled, partially crept out by how the house showed up too, having no idea what was going on either.

'What was that?' poor Nunnally, who could not believe what occurred before her eyes, asked.

'We do not know,' Lelouch told her. 'Let's just move on...'

They took up Lelouch's suggestion and went in, trying to forget what happened a few seconds before and failing.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: So, how was it? What is your opinion so far? I know, some parts hardly make any sense, it's a crackfictrollfic/badfic (you decide) after all. I seriously have no idea what I am writing, by the way, so don't expect anything remotely coherent (or well, normal). Thank you for reading the first chapter, more to come soon.^^**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: As promised, here is the second chapter. Also, the first chapter has been modified slightly. Nothing too major, though, so rereading it is not needed for the most part. Lastly, I am sorry to say, but I should mention that I have no idea how school works in Japan or if the Britannian Empire's Area 11 was supposed to follow the Britannian or the Japanese educational system, so I will go by the assumption that they followed the Britannian system (being ruled by them and so on) and that the Britannian Empire was based on the British Empire, which means that I will base Ashford's policy on the British, more specifically on the English school system (at least where it was not shown to be just like the Japanese one, such as staying in the same classroom during their school hours, which does not happen in the UK). Not that I know that much about English school either, sure I live in England but I am not British and I moved here only about five months ago. So yeah, due to confusion and stuff, Ashford will have a mix between the English and Japanese school systems. I apologise, I hope it is okay.**

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><p>It was the first day of school at Ashford Academy. The dreaded start of another long year full of homework, deadlines, pressure, stress, annoying classmates, and maybe some bad teachers as well if the students were lucky. Oh, how much everyone looked forward to the beginning of school, the pure bliss could be heard in their sleepy yawns, whining voices, complaints about how much they wanted to go back home, and suicidal thoughts. It was obvious that everyone simply loved school and wished to be there every single day, especially when seeing some of the students hiding in dorms, on rooftops, or in the case of a few braver ones, attempting to climb over the five metres tall spiked fence separating the academy from the outer world. (None of them managed to get out, though, and those who were caught trying to escape the juvenile prison, read as school, were awarded with a lovely detention for their superhuman efforts.)<p>

Somewhere close to the clubhouse, coming from a mushroom house, three figures could be seen making their way towards the cemetery of their youths, no doubt after an internal struggle between their inner angels who said 'go to school because it is the right thing to do' and their inner demons who said 'stay and sleep, ditch school for today', the battle whose result being their inner angels winning, causing a great deal of displeasure in the process. The teenagers seemed not to be particularly excited for school to commence; truth to be told, they would have probably been happier had they never woken up, similar to how the Sleeping Beauty kept on sleeping for one hundred years, only that no Prince Charming or Mary-Sue would have ever arrived so they could go on sleeping forever.

They walked lazily, with the speed of switched off light. Clearly that must have been due to how early it was, school officially beginning in ten minutes and the distance between the two not being huge. Shortly afterwards they were in the main building and decided to search for their classes since getting lost in their enormous school seemed to be more likely to happen than being found, so they separated and went on their ways.

Fortunately for Lelouch and Suzaku, they were in the same class, so at least they would not be alone. However, Nunnally was younger by three years, meaning that she had to explore the school and find her classroom by herself. Lelouch, like the overprotective Knight Templar big brother he was, originally wanted for them to lead Nunnally to her class and then go to theirs, but there was no time for them to go from a side of the school to another and his sister insisted that she will have no problems, so he had to grudgingly give in and let her leave without supervision.

'I still don't think that it's a good idea to let her go without anyone to lead her there or help her find the classroom,' the prince muttered angrily under his breath. Had he been unaccompanied at that moment, it was a real possibility that he would have ran away back to Nunnally and taken her to her class by hand, at the risk of being late on his first day of school and getting detention if he was late twice more that week.

'Don't worry, Lelouch, she's going to be alright,' his knight assured him with distress visible on his face. As used as he was to his friend worrying like an idiot over his sister's health and well-being, it did not mean that it got any more tolerable over the years.

'Fine,' Lelouch sighed, perceptibly not sharing the same opinion and not caring to hide it. 'But if anything happens to her, Suzaku, it will be your fault.'

'Okay,' the reply came in the next second. Suzaku was not concerned at all that perhaps something might occur to a princess let alone/astray in a monster-sized academy in the condition that it was her first time there and that she did not know how to get to her destination. What could happen to a person in a school full of pupils anyway? That was what he thought, ignoring the fact that there had been school shootings and both students and teachers killed in schools with everyone present in the classroom they were in, sometimes even by someone they knew.

Just a little after that, closer to the other side of the school, a girl with long wavy blonde hair and purple eyes was looking for her class and for a map to help her reach it, but neither was in sight. She was already five minutes late and could not spot any teacher or student who maybe had the vaguest idea where her class was. Initially, she had in mind to search for it by herself, believing that it would not be that hard, or find someone who appeared to be nice and ask for aid, but it did not go as planned. Being too shy to ask the upperclassmen in fear that they might eventually meet her brother and their best friend, thus embarrassing them by showing people that she was absolutely clueless when it came to orientation in open space, she sought someone who looked to be close to her in age or an adult, but Lady Luck hated her that day.

Or perhaps that was not true? She came to wonder, catching glimpse of a girl who seemed to be around her age heading in the same direction she assumed her class must have been in after searching for it everywhere else and following patterns in classroom numbers.

That was her gold chance! Like Tom chasing Jerry she followed the blonde whose pace was considerably faster and made it to her, putting on a benevolent smile and accumulating enough courage to speak.

'Hello,' Nunnally saluted and walked to the girl's right side. 'I am sorry to bother you, but may I ask if you know where room M15 is?'

'Hi,' the other teen slowed down a bit, returning her smile. 'Come with me, that's the class I am going to as well.'

'Thank you,' she said and continued to their class, finally knowing where she was going. 'And nice to meet you, I am Nunnally.'

'I'm Alice, nice to meet you too,' Alice replied, happy that she made a new friend. 'I guess you just transferred?'

'Yes,' Nunnally confirmed timidly. She was not sure that she liked being the new girl, but Alice had been nice so far and she hoped that was the way she was going to stay.

Together they got to their classroom safely, much to Lelouch's dismay that his paranoia had not been correct that time. They entered in and were welcomed by extreme noise and people staring at them. Indeed, Nunnally strengthened her earlier thoughts that she did not like being the new girl much, despite how often people stared at her due to being royalty.

'Oh my God, Alice, you made it in time to homeroom!' the teacher exclaimed with surprise in her voice and bewilderment on her face. Apparently, that was a rarity.

'I know, it's a miracle!' the blonde responded and grinned, pleasantly surprised at her achievement of waking up in time for school. 'Either that or the apocalypse is coming.'

'Time to get my zombie apocalypse survival kit,' a boy said with all seriousness, thinking about his apocalypse survival plan.

'Yeah, that is probably the wisest thing to do,' Alice commented as she went to a table in the far right and sat on one of the chairs.

Nunnally set in the doorstep confused for a couple of seconds and then, not wishing to just stay there awkwardly, moved to where the teacher was in order to excuse herself for being late and explain that she could not find the classroom.

'Hello, miss, it is very nice to meet you, my name is Nunnally vi Britannia and I started school here today,' she started with a charming smile and shook her teacher's hand as she had been taught that it was polite to do when meeting someone. 'I apologise for being late, but as I am new here I did not know how to get to this room and had to ask someone to lead me here. I will try not to be late again.'

'Nice to meet you, Princess Nunnally,' the teacher smiled, joyous to see that not all those kids of the younger generations had no manners. 'I am Miss Luck. It is no problem, in my first weeks here I got lost a lot too, so don't worry about it. I hope you will like it here.'

'Oh, thank you, and just Nunnally is fine, I prefer not being called by my title unless necessary,' the younger female stated, her beautiful smile broadening as she tried to ignore the sheer irony of having a teacher called Miss Luck when a few minutes before she believed that Lady Luck despised her.

Having finished with her apology and having explained why she was tardy, she left and stepped to where Alice was seated, firstly asking for permission to sit there from the other people at the table, who agreed for her to sit with them. At least everyone seemed normal and nice.

Lots of metres away from Nunnally's class, in room L11, were Lelouch and Suzaku, though their situation was not as good. On the bright side, they found out that they were classmates with one of, if not Lelouch's most trusted Black Knight, Kallen, whom they both recognised in spite of her ill girl act and the use of the surname 'Stadfeld' instead of 'Kozuki' in school. Once she eyed them with her Kallen glance, it was certain that it could be none other than her. However, they did not talk; due to the reason why they were at Ashford in the first place it was better to keep distance, most likely, so that their real intentions would not be figured out. In addition, seeing that she behaved as if she were a sick but fair damsel, maybe it was better not to ruin her act because she might have had a reason for it.

On the other hand, there was a big Illuminati sign drawn on the board and a blood red reverse pentagram on the floor, which was suspicious. Had they accidentally busted a religious cult's meeting? Everyone was wearing the same uniform as them and Kallen did not appear to be the type of person to join a fanatic religious cult, so perhaps that was not it. Also, one of their classmates was talking to himself, rotating his gaze around the room's ceiling as if watching something or someone float there, another one held on to a human-sized pale yellow teddy bear with a Christmas-themed ribbon as if it were dear life (or his last string of sanity), and some others had a sand tray which they stabbed with a tree branch while saying 'Pew! Pew!'. Taking another peek, there was a pair of foul-smelling sneakers in the bin and decorations from the most recent summer festival were hanging everywhere, alongside a few paper planes that got tangled in the mix when they were flying around, probably made by invisible leprechauns since everyone denied knowing anything about them. As for the teacher, he or she was nowhere to be seen. What a marvellous first day so far, their class appeared to be a perfectly regular classroom.

The two boys looked around for an empty table. Not knowing anyone besides Kallen whom they silently agreed not to speak with so they could hide the facts that they all knew each other and that she was not in poor health in the slightest, they did not have how to just crash into a group, so they sat somewhere in the back of the room alone with each other and their phones, fully aware that they might have seemed to be no-lifers or antisocial.

Nevertheless, of course their entrance did not go by unnoticed. There was quite an amount of people who recognised them and whispers were heard quicker than one could understand the lines they said. Even so, nobody dared to approach them. Nobody besides a certain boy with blue hair and grey eyes who had a stupid name.

'Hey,' the boy said after he got to their table. 'Are you guys new?'

'We are,' Suzaku answered for them. The prince barely bothered to take out his headphones, though had his knight ignored the person who came by he would not have done so.

'I'm Rivalz Cardemonde,' he said cheerfully. Afterwards, Suzaku and Lelouch both introduced themselves. Soon, a redhead stopped at their table, dragging a girl with dark green hair and glasses who obviously did not really want to be there with her. A little after that they were told that their names were Shirley Fenette and Nina Einstein. And so they continued talking until the teacher entered their class.

Hours passed and passed until school was finally coming to a delightful end. Since it was the first day, it was not that hard and half of it was spent doing nothing, but still getting out of the classroom they had been stuck into the entire morning, noon and a part of the afternoon was very pleasant. Lelouch and Suzaku discovered that Rivalz, Shirley, and Nina were not that bad at all and that it was relatively fun to hang out with them, particularly with Rivalz, given that Shirley had already fallen in love with Lelouch, which was difficult not to notice because she was being extremely evident, and that Nina was most likely racist when it regarded Japanese people, or as she called them, 'Elevens'. Yet, it did not bother them much and they were lovely company otherwise, when excluding these tiny details, and it turned out that neither did they know why was there a blood red reverse pentagram on the floor or an Illuminati sign on the board.

At lunch, the trio ate together. It surely looked weird due to the boys being years older than the sole girl, but if anyone asked then they did have the excuse that she was related to one of them and had known the other for half her life. Now that the courses were finished, they arranged to meet up in front of the main door and go to their new mushroom home, but Nunnally was late.

What was taking her so long? Even though her class was in the opposite wing of the school, it could not have taken her more than five minutes to walk to the main door. Did she get lost again? Perhaps it was about time they went to check if she was alright or if her teacher still did not let the children out.

Lelouch and Suzaku then made their way to Nunnally's classroom. If they remembered properly, it was M15, a room they ultimately reached with some trouble. Standing outside, they suddenly heard a commotion, a few screams, and a sob. Panicked, they stepped in without even knocking.

Here, they found a few astonished and shocked students prepared to pack up and leave and a tomboyish blonde who was crying and saying things about guilt and her inability to believe that something happened, but the princess was not there, so they took the most rational action they could and asked the weeping girl what occurred and if she was feeling well.

'Nunnally! The princess! The men in black and white kidnapped her!' she said, then returned to sob loudly in her hands while Lelouch's expression changed to pure terror.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Aaaaand it's done. Yes, Nunnally got kidnapped on her first day of school. Magnificent, isn't it? Keehee. So, thank you for reading. I would appreciate it a lot if you would also drop by with a few comments about the story, if it is alright so far, what you would like changed (I will see to that if I agree), what you think about it, if I made any mistakes, if anything is unclear, and so forth. Also, a virtual cookie to anyone who guesses who kidnapped Nunnally. If you have a guess as to who it might be, just say it in a review or message me, I shall tell you if you are right.~<strong>


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